untitled poem in free verse

i saw the night fall

the last kiss of daylight lacing the street

 

my memories drifted

to when we all still looked good in bathing suits

 

belief was based on more than a feeling

that time is running out

 

and music was everything

philosophy, religion, life and just goddamn fun

 

you could turn on mtv and find more

than teen moms crying

 

hope

that one day life would be more than this

 

then one day you realize it isn’t

and everything you once enjoyed is gone

 

now you just drink to forget

that all you have are memories

 

and johnny hates jazz playing

turn back the clock

 

why is age only about losing?

oh and aches and pains

 

watching young people running around

without a clue

 

and you just want to tell them enjoy

be young cause after that it’s just not that fun

 

hard work is only hard

when you are too old to work that hard

 

and words like “endure”

become the motions that wait for death

 

and your search doesn’t involve listening to music

but turning the music off so you can take a nap

 

there is nothing like seeing your youthful heroes

and thinking, “wow they are old”

 

then realizing they are the same age as you

how once they were so relevant

 

and now their songs are used to sell the same things

they once said were the enslavement of all mankind

 

and you believed them

your own karl marx

 

is putting their name on

an anti-aging cream

 

giving a whole new meaning to singing

she sells sanctuary

 

and i know there is nothing to find

in these meanderings of a morose mind

 

except evidence that i am not older

just old

 

so old that i never glance at passing graveyards

and the multitude of bodies already there

 

and the meaninglessness of coffin covered corpses

and the midlife crisis where one tries to redefine oneself

 

recapture the fun

we thought we had

 

when we survived the 3 a.m. drinking binge

and made it to work the next day

 

now if i want to play

i need to wait for my annual vacation

 

the framers of the constitution must have been young

because freedom is a concept of escape

 

and when the body is unable

because of age

 

you realize there is no escaping

a body that has passed its prime
 

nothing sublime

no jack lalanne swimming across the english channel

 

at age 80

pulling an ocean liner

 

jokes are now all one liners

otherwise i will get too tired

 

wondering if i’m gonna get fired

cause i can’t do the job like i once could

 

and life is no longer about evil and should

but about what i’m even able to do

 

i use to sing along with i ran so far away

now i worry if the crossing signal will last long enough

 

i once wrote i wanted to run naked and screaming

down star illuminated streets

 

waiting for an arrest for my rebellion

now they would just ask me to please put some clothes on

 

and next time maybe not drink so much

it’s not that i am out of touch

 

as much as i feel i am out of time

and i don’t want to drive around all night

 

with no direction

have sex without protection?!

 

but don’t you know…?!

that i am old

 

and don’t have the energy to get lost in the woods

spend the night

 

and find my way out in the morning

maybe

 

“let’s get crazy, let’s go nuts,

slip on the purple banana till they put us in the truck”

 

and let the young people watch us

like we are the un-cool idiots we thought our parents were

 

i think the word was joke

cutting loose for one night

 

then back to being what we are

old

 

seeing that young beautiful person

and their lover taking them for granted

 

wishing we could tell them that this is not the extended version

you get one chance

 

at this romance

then a lifetime of regret

 

but don’t you fret

or take advice from someone who made all the same mistakes

 

and now they can’t even fake

an ending to this poem

 

cause the theme is re-occurring

and all the lines are blurring

 

like the lines in the middle of the road

when you drive drunk at age 21

 

oh boy what fun

but it was better fun than this

 

realizing there is no definition of bliss

someone lied

 

and i believed them

who is the greater fool?

 

words are not a tool

though i once believed they were

 

but i use to believe in rock gods

now most of them are dead and none of them are resurrected

 

profit margins projected

but nobody told me there would be days like these
 

o.k. maybe they did

but i was just a kid

 

and kids don’t listen

because actions speak louder than words

 

and who would want to follow my lead?

old and aching is not a creed

 

it is just a person who drops a quarter

and realizes it would be too much effort to pick it up

 

let some young buck find it

and realize they now have just enough to buy a pint

 

they are not reading poems of an everyday existence

nor would you want them too

 

don’t listen to me

go and live

 

give all that you have to give

“let your illusions last until they shatter”

 

till then believe that i am a fool

that i am not cool

 

because you are right

i am old

 

you are young and bold

go

 

let your music be the only music that matters

let your understanding be the only demanding

 

i am old

and soon my body will be cold

 

even if i live another thirty years

i will never be young again

 

i will never be able to engage in youthful sin

i can be a deacon at the closest church

 

because i don’t have the energy to do anything

but work and go home

 

and sleep

and appear as if i do it because i believe i should

 

so wholesome so good

and as i fall asleep amid the preacher’s rants

 

it is only because i can’t

chase dreams

 

not being naïve

is a weight to carry that wears you down

 

i only reverse a frown

when the boss wants to see me

 

and i only rebel against the inability of effort

that comes when you are old

 

go

live

 

enjoy

and please don’t try to be like us old people

 

cause you will be all too soon

 

***