the cure

       the circle

 

work, wage, wear department store

and so the circle goes

 

don’t you ever wonder if there isn’t more

 

i know we were raised to give The City constant praise

since nothing exists outside its dome enclosure

the lessons were we should work for its betterment

and thereby receive the reward for this

through increased monetary form

 

but after a simulated storm

i’ve stared at the underbelly of the dome

and wondered if there isn’t something outside

besides our comatose schoolbook version

of a place of outer darkness

 

i have tried to believe

and find my meaning in The City

but meaning is elusive

when all i face is another workday

 

workday

 

factory bound

i passed people passively paving, painting, posting, packing, preparing

 

are they really complacent

or do they also wonder why in the dome fracture

we engage in these predetermined motions

 

do they not see

our role as automata in this routine existence we call a day

meaningless, manipulated, mundane

submissive sheep of the flock we were taught

to be a proud part of

 

then one day death destroys

rendering all goal oriented occurrences since birth

laughable, unjustified, insignificant

 

often i have wanted to stop the assembly line and say this

but like everyone else i simply stand quiet

and anticipate lunch time

 

halfway there

 

in the cafeteria i know there will be empty places

as i pass the programmed faces

behind desks

who cast accusing glances

that i would take time out

for something so frivolous as lunch

 

with trays in hand we gather in line

where a fellow worker slaps me on the back

boisterously proclaiming, “we’re halfway there!”

i smile my approval at his time keeping

while i wonder

halfway to what my single sighted friend

for i only see a circle

of work, lunch, work, bed, work, lunch, work,  bed...

occasionally broken by a binge at the bar

 

bartender!

 

“have another one!” my back slapped again

i shrugged, “why not? i have tomorrow off”

 

the boys meet for a drink

we’ve earned the right to enjoy ourselves

to do something different

 

yet jerry and andy are arm wrestling again

and sam is trying to dance on the table one more time

everyone’s laughing, shouting, divulging the exploits

told last time no one was sober enough

to remember having already told

 

then it hit me

like a sudden cold breeze

 

i’m not having fun

 

“have another one!” my back slapped again

i shrugged, “why not? i have tomorrow off”

 

holiday

 

i woke this morning thinking

my day off

i have a million things to do

 

but then that cold breeze caught me again

and i said, “none of them i want to”

 

i got up and looked out at the dome

and decided it was a day for dreams

 

think

 

staring into solid

i select the thought

there must be others who feel as i do

 

the ones who have taken their own lives

because they couldn’t take it anymore

couldn’t find a reason for going on

 

when this happens

it upsets the whole fabric of The City

causing collectives to question our values

so The Authority made suicide against the law

 

to me this only exemplifies the absurdity

of the whole system

 

if there is to be meaning

a change has got to come

 

changes

 

i think what took me by surprise

was the blueness of your eyes

 

walking in the park i saw you lying on the grass

staring at the dome high above

 

i approached, circled, introduced

conversation ensued

 

then there was that cold breeze of awareness

as we discovered our concurring bitterness

towards The City

but you were going to be late for work

if you didn’t leave

so we agreed to meet tomorrow for dinner

 

dinner

 

i sat across from you

staring at you

listening to you

telling you about the surprised faces

when i explained i wouldn’t be joining them at the bar

 

we talked of The City

of ourselves

then i took your hand

and said i would like to see you again

in the space of a moment

you smiled your confirmation

 

again

 

i saw you again and again and again

each time wanting to see you even more

 

i remember rushing from work to your embrace

holding you tightly in the middle of a room

i felt the day had now been worthwhile

 

the cure

 

i remember the first time i woke in your arms

traces and scars of The City had been washed away by you

and forgotten

 

i didn’t think about anything anymore

except the next time i would see you

 

i came to realize

no one may ever know what lies beyond the dome

and that the circle was becoming even more entrenched

but somehow i no longer cared

 

don’t care

as i still rush from work to your embrace

 

***