i
was at a bar
(shocker
i know)
a
woman came up to me
pressed
her breasts against my arm
her
alcohol laden breath
close
to my face as she said,
“the
only 12 inches i have known
is
an extended play record
can
you help a girl out?”
wtf?!
i
shook my head
turned
my face forward
trying
to act indifferent
hoping
she didn’t notice
how
her breasts rubbing against me
was
causing me to sweat
“whatever”
she said
with
icy disdain
staggered
away
i
had paid for the beer beforehand
drained
it
got
out of there
here
i am
walking
again
away
from people
i
feel as if i am in control
that’s
probably why i lift weights
when
i feel powerless
it
makes me feel like i did
when
i was a kid
adults
beating you
screaming
at you
and
worse
it
is not because
i
don’t own a bower
that
i have no flowers
i
was deflowered long ago
filled
with the kind of seed
that
doesn’t grow
there
are so many things
that
can make one feel powerless
i’m
an adult who is a mess
getting
out of bed is just a guess
and
you know at best
you
are an unwelcomed guest
when
life layers itself in lingerie
and
you flinch even when the touch is tender
you
never act
just
react
and
yeah
this
is why you have beer for breakfast
and
question the formulas for happiness
i
was their punching bag
their
cum dump
i
was what they demanded
it
was what i learned of love
and
all i felt was failure
so
measure me against what must be
i
will never be free
and
when i feel powerless
i
will swing my fists
dream
i am someone you could actually love
run
and hide
deep
inside
avoid
the collide
of
human interaction
where
i was trained
that
i was the reason
for
their inconvenience
it
was my fault
i
failed
to
be
to
please
will
never amount to anything
“you
goddamn worthless fucking piece of shit!”
the
sound of the hit, the hate and the habitation
still
echoes in every corner of my mind
***
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