to what purpose?

the doctor said my mood swings

my rage, my depression

are symptoms of hypoglycemia

 

the ups and down of my blood sugar

affecting my emotional state of health

a roller coaster ride

 

and that i should follow a prescribed diet

 

i walked out into the late afternoon sun

beginning it’s decent

 

and read the piece of paper he gave me

of all the dos and don’ts

 

no sugars, no high saturated fats

no alcohol, no caffeine

and so forth

 

and i thought:

“yes i would like to be happy

so i am reading this list

but i can’t help contemplate

as to what is it that this is suppose

to make me be?”

 

“a better producing machine

so that everyone benefits from my output?”

 

“so i have more energy?

so i have more stability?

so i have more clarity?”

 

i almost tossed the page in the trash

but i folded it and put it in my pocket

 

walked for a couple of miles

felt the early evening chill

hit my face in the form

of a gently breeze

as darkness draped over the city

 

“fuck it” i said

“i’m not saying i won’t

but i am saying

i won’t tonight”

 

i bought a couple of tacos

and ate them as i walked

 

found a bar that was my flavor

 

and awhile ago

i stopped counting the beers

 

***