i didn’t go out tonight
stayed in and listened to music
rollins band while i lifted
weights
counting crows while i sit and
drink
keep the volume down
the world is sleeping
at 3 a.m. i am reaping
all that i have sown
the ghost of layne staley is
staring me down
my solitude is the sound that
surrounds
no one understands nihilism
they wait for castles and shiny
armor
becoming, being and purpose
chase, pursue
it will make a difference
and you will matter
somewhere someone has it all
under control
and they must be pleased
by you
and all you do
i just drained the last of an
irish car bomb
the dark streets are decaying
without me
the indifferent universe is
only interested in comedy
watching the physicist chase
subatomic particles around the page
but i digress
and repress
my feelings of abandonment
by a god i was raised
to call father
and that is why i bother to be
angry
formulas by fascists is not
religion
and there is evidence to
convict
that if god is
it is not in context of a
personal relationship
i was helping to build noah’s
ship
but the rains never came
and the thumb i kept hitting
with a hammer
wasn’t healed
no comfort of sheltering arms
just the onslaught of endless
suffering
until in weariness i realized
he and i
have a different understanding
of the word called love
so i just pretend he doesn’t
exist
and remain furious
but i digress
amid the repress
they say i did nothing to be
saved
but the highway to hell i have
paved
with stones constructed from
reality
the only error was expectation
HOPE
instead of understanding it
just is
without aid
and the best we can do
is figure out the rules
electrons play by
when playing hide and seek
o.k.
one last prayer
for those who still think he
cares
then let him come and rescue me
from
these dark streets of decay
***
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