Monday, January 6, 2014

one last prayer


i didn’t go out tonight

stayed in and listened to music

rollins band while i lifted weights

counting crows while i sit and drink

 

keep the volume down

the world is sleeping

at 3 a.m. i am reaping

all that i have sown

 

the ghost of layne staley is staring me down

my solitude is the sound that surrounds

no one understands nihilism

they wait for castles and shiny armor

 

becoming, being and purpose

chase, pursue

it will make a difference

and you will matter

 

somewhere someone has it all under control

          and they must be pleased

                   by you

                             and all you do

 

 

i just drained the last of an irish car bomb

the dark streets are decaying without me

the indifferent universe is only interested in comedy

watching the physicist chase subatomic particles around the page

 

but i digress

and repress

my feelings of abandonment

by a god i was raised

          to call father

 

and that is why i bother to be angry

formulas by fascists is not religion

and there is evidence to convict

that if god is

it is not in context of a personal relationship

 

i was helping to build noah’s ship

but the rains never came

and the thumb i kept hitting with a hammer

          wasn’t healed

 

no comfort of sheltering arms

just the onslaught of endless suffering

until in weariness i realized he and i

          have a different understanding

                   of the word called love

 

so i just pretend he doesn’t exist

 

          and remain furious

 

but i digress

amid the repress

they say i did nothing to be saved

but the highway to hell i have paved

with stones constructed from reality

 

the only error was expectation

          HOPE

 

instead of understanding it just is

          without aid

 

and the best we can do

is figure out the rules

electrons play by

when playing hide and seek   

 

o.k.

one last prayer

for those who still think he cares

then let him come and rescue me

from

 

these dark streets of decay

 

***

 

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