shit

been on a hard core

five day drunk

waking up and grabbing

the half empty warm beer bottle

i passed out with the night before

 

i felt like shit

but kept putting alcohol

on an empty stomach

till i was gnawing on beef jerky

and washing it down with beer

 

i haven’t even worked out

for five days

 

these are the times non-believers pray

and ask for help

 

i remember i had sex

someone made me feel special

but i couldn’t tell you

another goddamn thing

 

i have to reach up to touch the gutter

every syllable i utter

isn’t even sober yet

 

i felt like shit

so i started drinking again

but i have no friends

to help me with my burden

 

just people who tell a nihilist

that their pathway to god

should be mine

 

god if you’re out there

kill me now

 

nothing is as they said it would be

no one actually cares about me

and layne staley is dead

 

***