he has hidden his face from thee

spent a few nights with a girl

thought it might be a world

where nothing decays

 

why do we do this to ourselves?

hope, dream

have expectations

 

my cogitation

is no expectation

 

it is all just molecules and atoms

nothing else swirls round my head

giving design to our rising

out of bed

 

when i rose out of hers

it was late afternoon

she was couch curled

watching cartoons

 

i went for a kiss

and found an abyss

 

it was time to go

 

within two miles of walking

i happened on a truck stop

found a driver heading east

and offered him a $100

to let me ride for awhile

 

as night fell on the desert

i smiled and asked the driver

to let me out

 

his jaw dropped

but he stopped

and i left the illusion

of safety for the sand

pulled a tab of acid

out of my wallet

and put it in my mouth

 

midnight found me

excavating the fossils

of my mind

 

i saw shooting stars

a coyote that was blind

but at no point

did i see god

 

but does he really wish

to be known by a species

that speculates

at what instance does

dancing turn to damnation

while half the population starves

 

or someone like me who fails

to remember that nothing entails

motion is only monitored by gravity

we are not puppets on a string

 

and waiting for it all to lead to something

is an addiction and a disease

that will leave us strung out

never attaining the fulfillment we seek

 

teleological troubadours strengthening the weak

while i lay on this rock in the desert

staring at the indifference of the sky

things are complicated by lies

there just is

and there is nothing else

and hope is the harbinger of heartache

 

***