relative meaninglessness

jenny went to visit her sister

who has had a two year battle

with cancer

and it is time to say goodbye

 

she said she needed to go by herself

and be strong for her sister

but when she came back

she would need me to be strong for her

 

it’s midnight

it’s only been a week since i meet jenny

so it wasn’t difficult

to find my footing on the streets

 

i can feel the heat below

the warmth absorbed during the day

still emanates during the night

 

i sat silent at a bar

shrugged when the bartender

asked where i had been

 

drank my fill

and now i’m wandering

i don’t feel lost as before

dead end job at a convenience store

 

but truth is love is not a philosophy

it is a feeling

and i still haven’t changed my expectation

that there is nothing in store for you and me

just this moment

 

molecules don’t feel emotion

the universe doesn’t scream, “why?!”

when a bus careens out of control

and kills everyone in its crash

and they were just on their way

for a day at the beach

 

the truth is i don’t understand anything

the cosmos are so expansive

that all this motion and commotion

that is so relevant to us

finds no meaning

no explanation for why

we do what we do

when one tries to find our place

in the vastness of space

 

and we are not even as significant

as a grain of sand

being  washed ashore

on a deserted island

 

so tonight i will roam

not plan for tomorrow

drink too much

and if i am allowed to borrow

one more day

then in jenny’s arms i will lay

when she returns

 

and tells me of all her

trials and tribulations

while i stroke her long black hair

 

***  (jenny, jenny who can i turn to?)