woke
up
if
that’s what you call it
felt
like i had been ridden hard
and
put back in the barn wet
just
drank too much
again
got
some coffee
it
took four cups
before
i could consider food
boiled
a bunch of eggs night before
put
them in the fridge
took
out a couple
laptop
youtube
i
watch the new videos
by
natalie merchant
she
looks a little sad
as
if life has happened to her
like
it has happened to all of us
i’ll
be buying her new album
my
cat has forced her way onto my lap
my
first beer i’ve cracked
and
i have yet to give thought
to
going outside
on
the balcony i will hide
when
a cigarette lays claim
haven’t
felt much these days
like
setting the world on fire with words
i
think i’ve finally gone off the edge
of
our flat world
drifting
in the vast endless cosmos
i’m
convinced now more than ever
everything
on our spinning orb
just
doesn’t matter
except
maybe love
which
i’m still hoping to find
again
if
i ever had it
but
like everything
i
question definitions
my
cat’s agitated
i
just put her off my lap
so
i can use the bathroom
grab
another beer
and
go on the balcony
with
a smoke and a lighter
swallow
swill
inhale
the ill
and
stare without strength
what
use to excite me
no
longer invites me
i
put on the julie ruin cd
to
try and lift my spirits
the
night is just getting started
they
are so short in the month of june
i
want to be a believer
i
just can’t believe
when
the talk is about you and me
conversing
as if we matter
i
guess that’s why i’m alone
everyone
wants a home
build
the nest
make
it your own
raise
your children
while
i wonder what is wrong with
my
second novel
escaping
an asylum
making
it to a seattle beach
falling
asleep
dying
from the frost
any
life of meaning is out of reach
spread
over 300 pages
i
grab two beers so i can stay in one place
a
little longer
close
my sliding glass door
put
my back against it
as
i sit on the balcony floor
light
a smoke
and
stare at the railing on the balcony
people
think i’m depressed
and
should do this that or the other thing
then
i will dance then i will sing
i
think i’m an existential physicist
we
give meaning where we need
meaning
to be
while
the universe does its own thing
well,
everyone that is but me
and,
no, i don’t think we are
significant
enough to be visited
by
alien life forms
the
universe is a dog
and
i am a flea
it
scratched and knocked me off
and
i landed here
a
cigarette in one hand
in
the other a beer
and
tonight i don’t even feel like moving
***
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