Saturday, June 21, 2014

bouquets are flowers we kill for their beauty


i sour at this granola cereal and soy milk

but it’s all she had in her place

i think she’s going to comment

on the look on my face

but says,

 

“the way you talked to me

when i offered to compensate you for another drink

and your poems

‘oh gawd, another uppity woman one and two’

how does a man become a feminist?”

 

“i’m not a feminist. i’m a conglomeration of words.

i don’t know why, but women to me are not whores

but goddesses to be worshipped and adored”

 

she blinks

takes my half eaten cereal to the sink

turns and whispers,

“how did i get so lucky?”

 

i rise and bring an embrace

our bodies pressed

she feels my arousal

grabs me by the ear

and steers me to the bed

 

*

 

she leaves for work

i leave to go check on my cat

she knows i’ll be back

 

but after a shower

a slice of leftover pizza

a beer while i pet my cat

and uploading to my blog

 

i go out on the balcony

for a smoke

halfway through

she is on my sidewalk

looking up at me

 

“can i come up?”

 

i nod

 

she disappears

i know i verbally told her

my address

she must have

an incredible memory

 

i wait at my door

watching her walk the hallway

she looks as if she is trying

to stay composed

 

i close the door behind us

and she sits on the couch

while saying,

“drink?”

 

i go to the kitchen to make her one

 

i place it in her hand while asking,

“was work slow?”

 

“yes, they were asking for a volunteer

to go home early

i said i’d go

i had been groped twice tonight

and just didn’t want to be there”

 

my hand rubs my mouth

something i do

when i don’t know what to say

she downs her drink

and hands it to me

i go to make another

 

sit by her while she sips

then she puts the glass down

curls into my arms

and starts to cry

 

i learned long ago to try and not

fix everything all at once

so i just hold her

 

it may not even have

been the hands tonight

but a life time of hands

she is reacting too

 

objectified

not valued

for the person that she is

 

my cat gets in on the act

curls between us

jenny strokes her fur

 

“let’s go to hollywood”

i say

 

jenny lifts her head

says, “that's random”

 

“that’s how i roll” i tell her

 

she rolls her eyes

shrugs

says,

“let me wash my face”

 

and to the bus stop we go

 

*

ah

avenue of the stars

jenny says i’m acting

like a kid in a candy shop

but she knows from my blog

how much i love this place

 

instead of roam

we rush as i take her everywhere

there is to go among

all this neon

 

i suddenly burst out laughing

amid all that is happening around us

 

“i wish life could always be like this”

she says

 

caught up in the moment i declare

“then move in with me”

 

shock arrests her face

she is silent

her expression unreadable

and i begin to think

i’ve just made a huge mistake

 

then she suddenly

quietly

says,

“o.k.”

 

i return to my former feelings of elation

though now it is not hollywood

but her

the boulevard fades from existence

as i take her in an embrace

and just hold her

for a really long time

 

***

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