poem of an everyday existence

endless, endless, endless rain

it was only 7 p.m.

but i was tired of dripping in H2O

 

i saw an open door to a church

it was more like a cathedral

but i stepped in to get out of the rain

 

i wanted a cigarette

but i just couldn’t

not in there

i may not believe

but i do believe in respect

 

besides there were parishioners

in the pews

praying in loud, repentant voices

crying out to god

 

i was suddenly embarrassed

a sinner in the house of god

the only living fraud

 

i took my drunken ass back into the rain

in a world without physicists there will be happiness

 

cars everywhere

scattered umbrellas on sidewalks

and then me

until i see a bar

i enter and get a look from everyone

for how wet i am

 

i apologetically ask for a drink

and the bartender graciously complies

but i still feel like i don’t belong

 

i down the draft and move along

just head back home

to my second story studio apartment

i share with a dirty ashtray

and a recycle bin full of empty cans of beer

 

at my front door

the stray cat is waiting

it sees me and starts that cry

when it is at my door begging for food

 

but this time when i open my door

it rushes in

so i feed it on the kitchen floor

 

afterward it just heads for my couch

and starts cleaning its fur

and i wonder if i am going to have to name it

 

i put on dry clothes

grab a beer and light a smoke

and stare out at the street below

i want to be out

the cat wants to be in

which one is the wiser?

 

the cat has purred itself to sleep

i tip toe to the fridge for another beer

then go to the bathroom and close the door

where i pop the top hoping a separate room

will cut down on the sound of carbonation escaping

and not wake the cat

 

do i dare to care about this cat?

have my dying fear be that no one else will care for it?

or have to one day take it to a vet and say goodbye

and go back to my place

that resonates with a new emptiness?

 

love is a dilemma

science has failed me

it may offer directions of sound waves

in a prelude in e minor

but it can’t answer the existential questions

only strip them bare of all meaning

 

perception is teeming with lies

but right now i need to perceive

something other than me

on these dark streets of decay

 

***