o.k. one more shot, but then i really have to pretend words matter

have you ever had a bee

decide you were a flower?

circling, swirling

you shoo it away

but it only comes back

more determined?

that’s how i spent the last mile

till finally it left me alone

 

now i can enjoy

snowy white’s midnight blues

i like those “because you liked”

suggestions

find some really good music that way

 

but no song will compare

to a time i was on a barstool

and someone played on the jukebox

need you now

by lady antebellum

love songs say who did who wrong

but at that moment

none of that mattered

she

could have walked through that door

i would have been on the floor

quoting three days grace

“i hate everything about you

why do i love you?”

 

anyway

if memories are what this poem is about

i remember being the only guy

at a party

several drinks in

i heavy petted with every girl there

except with the one for whom i most cared

 

she and i eventually were

and she was the one i was waiting

for on that barstool

 

i think i’m intelligent

but i’m a fool

i thought if she saw how

i was at that party

she knew me

but still she left

after five years

 

and i started writing

the dark streets of decay

like i have something to say

but i wasn’t smart enough

to know why she went away

or how to win her back

exposing the fact

that i don’t really know

anything at all

 

so here i am years later

doing what i did when she left

walking

drinking

and realizing

the new she is never her

 

i may as well whisper

while inside some stranger,

“you want a shot at the title?”

 

or is it as i believe

that among everything i believe

doesn’t matter

i don’t matter the most

 

distracted by a noisy bird

has a frito lay cheeto in its mouth

 

sorry bird there is no safe place

to enjoy

but i get your meaning

and these memories i’m gleaning

are pointless

 

my therapist compliments my intelligence

but i’m sure she is smarter than me

cause all i do is screech,

“love me”

while i do everything i can

to make myself unlovable

 

the only tenant in my philosophy

is when i no longer exist

the world will be better for it

even if it takes a mile

for the bee to realize

there is not nectar here

 

***