i’ve
sat in physics classes
neurophysiology,
philosophy
and
none of them prepared me
for
the hormonal changes
that
occur in a pregnant woman
i’ve
been asked to go out for awhile again
she
handed me her mp3 player
when
i asked what i was doing wrong
she
advised, “you’re breathing”
plugs
in my ears
project
pitchfork plays pitch-black
i
pass a store front window
there
is nothing in the display
but
a cloth doll
naked
hands
tied behind it’s back
with
course rope
i
look again to confirm
i
saw what i saw
then
decide not to deal
and
just keep walking
a
bar, a barstool, a beer
then
the man left of me starts to talk
liberals
are ruining the country
(i
just wanted a fucking beer)
but
end up engaging by saying,
“Dostoyevsky
wrote in The Dream of
a
Ridiculous Man: All became so jealous
of
the rights of their own personality
that
they did their very utmost to curtail
and
destroy them in others and made that
the
chief thing in their lives”
“what
the hell is that suppose to mean?!”
the
drunk breathes
“all
things mean whatever you make them mean”
i
tell him
“dostoykeveky?
sounds russian. are you a communists?”
(oh
for god’s sake)
“i’m
whatever you want me to be baby?”
“baby?
are you a fag?”
“i’m
whatever you need me to be in order
for
you to just shut the fuck up and leave me alone”
he
gets off his barstool and i admit
i
am glad it has come to this
for
i am off my seat and clock him
so
hard it feels like i’ve broke my hand
and
he just stands there
and
suddenly all i am thinking is
“oh
shit”
but
the bouncers divide
send
him out the front door
and
me out the back
i
wince at the pain in my hand
as
i flick my bic
shake
out my hand
exhale
the smoke
and
go in search of somewhere
i
can have a beer
the
mp3 abandons project pitchfork
and
plays santa hates you
and
i realize i don’t want anymore company
just
to listen to this band
i
go into a liquor store
buy
a six pack of guinness
line
my pockets with the bottles
use
the bottle opener on my key chain
and
walk and sip
and
listen to the band sing,
“sleep
until the moonlight
nothing’s
gonna be alright”
***
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