uh

exhausted

had some guy

come out of no where

hit me with a raw egg

shell and yoke all over

my chest

 

i did not react like buddha

i moved in without thinking

and punched him so many times

my knuckles are swollen and cut

 

i lost control

i have never known such rage

or the release of it

 

and it was over something so stupid

i could have just let it be

but i didn’t

he was unconscious

where i left him

after he hit the ground

 

sometimes i forget

just how strong the weightlifting

has made me

 

either way

i found quantities to drink

but it didn’t really calm me down

and my hands hurt so much

i can’t squeeze them

 

and what am i going to tell jenny

when she sees the cuts on my hand

 

shit

 

what bothers me most

was my loss of control

of which i had none

just the definition of rage

 

so consuming i don’t remember

most of what happened

just finding an alley

a wall to prop up my back

holding my hands away from me

as they bled

and the feeling of realizing

i had just lost it

 

i’m home

with everyone asleep

except me

out on the balcony

with a smoke

clenching and unclenching my hands

wincing at the pain

 

sometimes the dark streets of decay

can be even too dark for me

 

***