things were simpler on the dark streets of decay

i was asleep

the sparrow and the nightingale

woke me up

there are no accidents in a studio apartment

 

jenny was on the balcony

i splashed water on my face

blinked away last night’s self-destruction

went on the balcony

lit a smoke

 

“what’s up?”

i ventured

 

“what do you mean?”

jenny jousted

 

but i’ve been owned by

too many cats not to

know we all seek attention

in our own way

 

we are married

and living in the same room

and yes i’ve only known

her for five weeks

but she is blaring the song

from the first time we made love

and sometimes a man of words

knows when not to dance

the dance of words

 

i lay my cigarette in the ash tray

grab her hips and turn her around

 

“what are you doing?”

she demands

but she is not swinging her fists

or saying, “NO!”

 

so i pick her up and lay her over the banister

of the balcony

raise her skirt and rip off her panties

and enter

 

the record ends

and so do i

i pick her up again

place her feet on the floor

turn her

take her in my arms

 

i’m just holding her

she moves her lips to mine

then bites my lip so hard

i bleed

while her nails dig into my naked back

 

and all the physical manifestations

materialize

creating my mood

 

i pick her up again

take her inside

but there is nowhere to hide

 

i slam her to the floor

and the vibrations

cause the record player

to start again

the sparrow and the nightingale

unable to keep beat that is in time

with my movements

 

the record player is on replay

(that must have been some slam on the floor)

but we are on our backs

looking at the ceiling

 

“so is this when you lace up your shoes

and walk around all night?”

jenny jabs

 

i answer by making my way to the fridge

and rejoin her with two beers

kiss her cheek

“what is it that you seek?”

i offer

 

“i want you to talk to me”

 

(wait. what? i don’t know how to do that

can’t you just read my blog?)

 

“about what?”

i concede

 

“why don’t you believe in god?”

she drops

 

but to this i don’t hesitate

“i know that god is

but as with everyone else

i cannot be acceptable

unless i am as it is said i should be

all by my own strength

so at length

 

if i am unacceptable as i am

i cannot help you”

 

jenny stares

then blinks

then drains her beer

 

then the only sound our cat hears

is her lips on mine

her hand roughly groping my groin

till i cannot refute

the sought after salute

and this time she is on top

in control

 

and the point of all this

i cannot fathom

 

just let jenny be jenny

in a world where i stopped trying to be

 

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