i
use to thrive on this alive
no
emails for a week
no
text messages today
no
one around
leave
me alone
let
me write
but
now it would be so nice
to
have someone here
although
lips to kiss
flesh
to caress
would
suffice
what
i’d really like
is
conversation
but
then i’ve never really
had
that before
i
always have to explain myself
and
find no one has an inkling
of
my insistence
that
the only invisible
are
atoms, molecules
and
all that this implies
making
me feel as isolated
as
a single proton
doing
the do-si-do
around
a nucleus
so
i just settle
for
the commonality
of
conjoined flesh
but
right now
that
is not what i want
i
want conversation
the
rest i can satisfy
with
masturbation
a
baloney sandwich
a
beer
and
any r.e.m. album
they
don’t have to agree
with
me
but
this hostility
because
i like to jack hammer
the
foundations of the constructs
of
all thought processes
leaving
us without anything secure
on
which to stand
is
not the fuzzy blanket
they
want wrapped around their mind
and
so i don’t know
if
i’ve ever really had
a
conversation with anyone
ever
i’m
not trying to be clever
or
sever
but
a soul mate for my mind
i’ve
yet to find
and
i have to do massive
substance
abuse
to
slow down the speed
of
my neurons
to
be able to frolic
at
another person’s pace
in
their field of flowers
no
solution
just
sit here alone
no
one to phone
who
isn’t going to tell me
that
what i need to be
is
more like them
when
what they really mean
is
they are uncomfortable
talking
to me
when
all i really wanted
was
to talk about the
pulchritude
of poetry
so
not only do i sit here alone
i
perceive utter aloneness
and
all i can do is fall back
on
what i know
switch
from beer to whisky
light
another cigarette
try
to forget
when
she sat next to me
midnight,
staring at the sea
asking
me what i was doing
i
said i’d rather be here
staring
at all this beauty
and
when she commented
it
was too dark to see anything
i
replied,
“that’s
what makes it so beautiful”
she
stood up
brushed
off the sand
walked
away
the
play is called
the
dark streets of decay
the
scenery never changes
and
i’m always on stage
everyone
else performs
for
one night only
***
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