stray dog

i heard from you

it made me think how long it’s been

 

the years that have passed

and how long i have been 

on the dark streets of decay

which i began walking

after you went away

 

and how you know nothing about

the volumes of poems you inspired

and this lifestyle in which i linger

that i am realizing

in recognizing how long ago you left

that i’ve been living this way

for almost five years

 

it’s a wonder i’m still here

and haven’t drank myself to death

 

yet

 

time for another cigarette

 

i’m not sure i have anything to say to you

so much has transpired

and after a couple of years

it all had nothing to do with you leaving

 

granted it was an email

i don’t know how i would feel

if you were in front of me

or would you even recognize

the person i have become

 

could you still wrap me

around your finger

for five years i lingered

in nothing but wanting

to please you

 

yes i can still recall

your perfect breasts

the closeness of your breath

when i was inside you

in your bed

 

but keeping you happy

was exhausting

i was almost relieved

when you left

 

although for the first year

i was so drunk

most of what i wrote

was incomprehensible

 

i threw most of it away

then i started writing

about my experiences

on the dark streets of decay

 

i’ve lost count of how many

women with whom i’ve laid

 

what would i now even say

to the girl who was my

one true love

 

even if we played

i could not walk away

from my midnight excursions

on the dark streets of decay

 

even jenny and the daughter we made

could not keep me from lapping

at the filthy water in these gutters

like the stray dog i am

 

returning to my own vomit

with the speed of a comet

washing it down with words

that bears witness

that only when i’m sick

from being washboard wasted

do i finally feel good

 

***