everything is relative

i came to a decision

          an awakening of such

that life is like a broken leg

          and whiskey is my crutch

 

but now i hang at jenny’s place

trace the curves upon her face

find myself within her bed

lately this is my instead

 

i’m self-destructive to the core

and hope this isn’t just one more

attempt to be what i am not

another lie that’s sold and bought

 

erase a mistake? all it takes

          is live another lie

but someone that wants me around

          is always worth a try

 

she comes and gives me a long hug

i’m high as hell on this new drug

self-loathing i have never cured

her kiss is honest almost pure

but love is harder to receive

when all i really hate is me

 

whiskey gallows, hang my words

shot glass hollow, undisturbed

lips will coddle, tongue will throttle

drink it straight out of the bottle

 

i pace the room, the streets light glow

but tonight i will not go

on the balcony i smoke

out there’s l.a. of which i spoke

 

go back in, lights are dim

daughter’s sleeping, on a whim

i place my hands on jenny’s breasts

but find she’s not at my behest

 

into the bedroom she leads me

and find myself across her knees

hairbrush applied for awhile

this is love that’s just my style

the kind of love that i deserve

no more grading on a curve

 

afterwards a long embrace

then soft kisses on my face

the only thing that i can render

is the strength of my surrender

tender caress you say is best

it makes me feel like i’m a guest

 

and self-loathing with disgust

believes in judges that are just

 

does she know this time i’ll linger

if i’m wrapped around her finger

or had she simply had enough

and let it out a little rough

all i know, my bottom sore

is i have never loved her more

 

***