waiting for words

i’ve had more drinks and cigarettes today than thoughts

i keep grabbing my notebook all for naught

 

if i get baked can i shake this solitude

and find companionship with my words

 

a lullaby needs to be heard

soothe the disturb

 

but like an abused child

nothing is lingering over me with a lyric

 

*

 

and still nothing…

 

i usually can’t shut up

passing words like farts

loud, offensive

clearing a room

 

somehow a broom has swept all the words away

a stage without a play

curtain drops on an empty auditorium

 

i pantomime to an imaginary audience

comprehending the symbolism of the Mime

 

*

 

i remember past poems like old friends

but i thrive on new conversation

clarifying the now

but there is no milk in the cow

so i desperately write about being unable to write

 

*

 

it’s perfect tonight

stage is set

the lighting director is brilliant

i could pen the perfect script

 

my muse is not amused

i have nothing to say

 

if the dark streets of decay were a play

i would have to take a bow and sit down

and let the abrupt ending make the point

i’ve been trying to make all along

 

*

 

why do i have to write

why can’t the cigarettes i light

the girls i kiss

the beer i piss

be enough

 

instead i live for nights like this

alone

drunk or stoned

pen in hand

waiting for my command

 

but tonight my words had other plans

 

*

 

and i’m so blatto it’s not wise to wander

trying to exorcise the words

with a new experience

 

something to talk about

 

but

damn

i want, no need, to write

nothing else makes me feel right

alive

 

even though i dive into the pulchritude

of pussy and breasts

 

and see the bartender as an anesthesiologist

who is preparing me for the cut

 

*

 

am i in a rut?

 

bound by the boundaries of liquor and l.a.

like charles bukowski on his birthday

 

*

 

had another cigarette but don’t you fret

i still have nothing to say

empty saucers fill the tray

although ants did scurry

when i put my cigarette out in the sand

 

let me try another beer

maybe the words i’ll hear

 

*

 

maybe

 

good thing this isn’t how i make a living

oh, wait, it is

 

i’m too old for hide and seek

olly, olly, oxen free!

 

no words show

i’ve been playing this game alone

 

i just have nothing to say

 

***