why pets beg to be fed

“you want to reach out

but fear rejection

so for protection

you envelope yourself in vogue

desperately hoping this will

grasp the love they told

would come if you just wear this”

 

that was from my early poems

i fancied myself a commentator

a progenitor of social consciousness

 

but i was the one desperate for acceptance

going home after every encounter

unsure, insecure

 

so i tried to be hard

nothing will hurt me

don’t mess with me man

 

but i failed miserably

at being a badass

 

i’m the kind that gets

cultivated by cults

desperate to be someone

you approve of

 

and yeah

alcohol numbs

lets me act dumb

shield myself with sayings,

“nothing matters”

“why should i care?”

 

but your glibness

and looks of scorn

leave me torn

and fetal

 

but i also couldn’t stomach

those who pretended

as long as i was convenient

i may be lenient

but i know the true

definition of love

 

“faith without works is dead”

“action speaks louder than words”

“the proof is in the pudding”

 

love is not intentions

it can’t be uttered

 

it is finding me in

my emotional gutter

and not giving me

your definitions of clean

in order to make me presentable

 

it is cleaning me up yourself

Hosea and his harlot wife

there is no strength

in your selfishness

as you expend all your energy

on yourself

 

if this is love

then why are you not here?

 

***