are you still reading this shit?

i don’t feel like being a nihilist tonight

this bleach blonde beauty with bangs

is staring at me from across the bar

and i am ready to slay dragons

 

then the juke box plays

the sparrow and the nightingales

and the purveyors of nihilism laugh at me

as i remember my morals, my commitment

my love at home almost at the end

of her term of the pregnancy

 

i throw money on the bar

and flee

 

now it’s just me

and my cigarette

and the way los angeles smells at night

 

i never feel right

i put thoughts aside

what’s the point

i am who i am

and have no desire to be your definition

of what it is we are to be

in order to be happy

 

i put a plug in my ear

hit play

blutengel starts dancing in the light

 

and my lips make my flask feel light

then i watch this busy l.a. scene

complete the serene

of making me feel like i don’t matter

the few visible stars only add to that chatter

 

i scatter

a being becoming nothing but

an obliteration of atoms

 

i turn up the volume and try not to fathom

the depths of my decrepitness

and how this extended version

of the dark streets of decay

has become a broken record

 

seelennacht invades my ears

with gone with the rain

tonight i just can’t dance

forward to the next song

scum by santa hates you

 

i empty my flask

make it my task

to find the next open bar

hitting the forward button

till i find timekiller

by project pitchfork

 

*** (what’s reality compared to me?)