spinning
on the ledge of a latter day saint
i
reacquaint with the taint
of
a girl i knew in high school
she
would tell me sex outside of marriage
was
a sin
then
with both of us clothed
she
would lie on top of me and dry hump
till
she was satisfied
then
chide any efforts on my part
to
satisfy need
we
dated for a year
parted
virgins
when
you reach a certain age
so
many things happened so long ago
and
a lot has happened since
and
i doubt she has thought of me
even
once
i
wrote my first poem about her
she
lives forever in my memory
but
then, they all do
any
girl who twirled within the swirl
of
my love for her
there
weren’t that many
until
i started on this
self-destructive
path called
the
dark streets of decay
a
few years back
since
that start something
will
trigger my memory
and
i will remember a girl
from
some night and think,
“oh
yeah; what was her name?”
i
was so desperate to be loved
those
“pre-decay” relationships
lasted
quite awhile
hence
why there were so few
now
i’m
still desperate to be loved
i
just know it will never happen
and
treat the moments i’m with a girl
as
a means to enjoy the moment
just
like i treat music, movies
cigarettes
and things that anesthetize my mind
now
if i could just get poetry on board
with
the idea of being pleasurable
instead
of it grabbing my throat
refusing
to let go
until
i write it all down
all
would be well
in
my languish i turn a corner
where
a man is holding a huge sign,
“the
only dope smoking in hell may be you”
a
person next to me says something
disparaging
about the man
i
shrug
turn
away
disappear
into the shadows of
the
dark streets of decay
with
my memories of every girl
that
went away
including
the ones whose names
i
can’t remember
***
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