Wednesday, May 31, 2017

at the right temperature even concrete melts


(meat eating orchids forgive no one just yet – kurt cobain)

 

falling apart

 

got served

divorce papers

it’s my fault

 

i am not only the author of

the dark streets of decay

i am the god of its creation

if you google the aforementioned title

of my collection of poems

only i come up

 

it’s that original

i’ve outdone all my literary heroes

in the art of self-destruction

 

i texted jenny

i wouldn’t fight any stipulation

just show me where to sign

 

she didn’t respond

 

i’m a wreck

slept in sweats

shoed my feet

hit midnight streets

in what i slept in

no brushed teeth

hair everywhere

breakfast bottle

almost gone

cigarettes

but nothing can spawn

a me that is free from me

 

found an alley

can’t tally

the totality of my inability

bury my face in my hands

 

think of all the strands

in my contacts

i don’t even have the where withal

to call

 

what they have to offer

is not enough

at this moment

 

i can’t even find the right song

to comfort

contemplate, “loser” by beck

or “creep” by radiohead

but i just gulp from this bottle

and light another cigarette

 

decide this slow suicide

is the only provide

so i slide to the sidewalk

 

remember the title of this volume is

“the dark streets of decay: still walking”

select, “sky blue and black”

by jackson browne

 

look around

down the bottle

in the fatness of my fray

i waddle

 

survive by recollecting

an ancient acid trip:

i was holding the hand of the devil

in a cold slimy pit

both of us reciting again and again

“nothing matters”

 

held together by non-existent threads

i wed and then bed the goddess

the greeks never worshipped

who oversees the only tree

that is left after the apocalypse

 

i think the only problem here is me

i’m the disease for which

no one can find a cure

yet i infect with a desire

to be accepted

not rejected

amid your inoculated protection

against my undulated injection

that is a reflection

of what you suspect to be true

but cannot construe

because the causality is me

 

***

 

 

 

 

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