thoughts are idols we worship in vain

woke up in jeans and socks

took awhile to comprehend

i was in my own bed

thought about things

like eggs and a toothbrush

 

pulled on a shirt

shoes

filled pockets:

keys, wallet, smokes, flask

accomplished the task

of standing on the sidewalk

took a drink

didn’t think to look around first

but as i lit a smoke

the apartment handyman

descended

73 years old

he began to scold

told me the story of his life

navy, years of construction

being born again

 

i wasn’t going to disrespect

a 73 year old

veteran of our wars

so i was all, “yes sir” and “no sir”

 

finally free from his eyes on me

i lit another smoke

took another drink

selected coil’s,

“tainted love”

and started walking

 

beginning my excursion

my murderous stalking of

the dark streets of decay

 

there was a voice mail on my phone

from the doctor i was to follow up with

after my stay in the psychiatric hospital

i hit delete

selected suicidal tendencies’,

“institutionalized”

drained my flask

lit a smoke

twisted the top off the pocket sized bottle

of schnapps i brought

and sipped

 

“fuck it” i say

drain the bottle

light a smoke

select the doors’

“break on through”

and go in search of another bottle

 

know my literary heroes

were not zeros

but pioneers of

what everyone else fears

 

***