Monday, April 17, 2017

john without mary


                  (we learn from the times that we are cursed

                   that things cannot be reversed – from the band

                   daughter and their song candles)

 

a memoir, autobiography

written in the twilight years

recollecting moments, memories

of childhood

not sure i ever would

unless one were able

to reflect the events

with the same innocence

ignorance

we possessed as kids

 

trying to tell you about

something when i was five

trying to understand why

psychoanalyze

through ancient jaded eyes

is not a true telling

of when the moment matter

 

how can my mind

from a million moments since

tell you what a five year old

finds when first discovering a spider

 

my present chasm is wider

and any innocuous innocence

fenced by inexperience

cannot be remade

with a present day theme

where my accumulation

of nightmares and dreams

make me feel like

an insect trapped

within a webbing scheme

helplessly, fearfully watching

the approaching spider

formidable fangs five feet long

 

the me who wrote my first poem

is buried under the sediment

which if this fossil tried to excavate

could only find fragments

of the skeleton

of the boy i use to be

 

carefully pieced together

in a laboratory

reconstructing just enough

that all history is just a theory

there’s a reason eye witness accounts

can be cross examined

and memories, at best

are the verdict of a hung jury

 

***

 

 

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