why
do i feel i’ve lost my way?
i
was lost on the dark streets of decay
drunk
or on my way
now
i go for days
without
a drink
or
don’t drink
till
everything else is done
i’ve
not become
because
i still think truth
is
just a perception
and
everything is relative
to
what is right for you at the moment
on
the streets i was a rebel in heat
penning
poetics that pulled back the veil
placed
over our eyes
a
package of lies
put
forth as a purpose
i
still don’t believe
there
is any purpose
i
just no long drink
because
there is no purpose
sober
and lost
is
still just as lost
as
drunk and lost
but
the drunk and lost
just
stopped being fun
not
that i’m having fun now
and
the mass quantity of cigarettes
i
still suck down
will
testify that i didn’t quit drinking
over
concerns for my health
sobriety
hasn’t brought clarity
sunshine
and new directions
most
times i just sit and stare
i’m
still me
and
still don’t care
everything
bores me
especially
conversation
that
at best is tedious
and
when i do drink
i
no longer feel like a pioneer
but
just another person
who’s
had too much to drink
and
though i’m always on the brink
i
rarely reach for a bottle
it
is late
dark
the
clock shows
it’s
actually tomorrow
i’m
on the balcony smoking
the
bottle inside still unopened
though
earlier i meant too
instead
i read
an
article about jim morrison
but
i no longer feel a kinship
where
he and i could have
slit
our wrists
and
drank each other’s blood
sobriety
is a subtle difference
but
it is difference none the less
with
drinking i was feeling like
a
guest who had overstayed his welcome
but
a balcony is where
i
ended the first volume of
the
dark streets of decay
with
a poem that found
no
reason to do more than
sit
and stare
surrounded
by cigarettes and alcohol
and
on this balcony
i
am still not enthralled
and
the limited visibility
of
night is not the reason
i
see no reason to do more
than
smoke and stare
***
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