Monday, December 12, 2016

unable to overcome the omniscient of my own existence


(terrified by the silence of infinite spaces – pascal)

 

subtle charms

in her arms

the scales of my skin

pressed

against her silken flesh

 

her breasts

weren’t an accident of evolution

only a god could divine

 

however fleeting

this moment is

the fulfillment of all need

ecstasy

erasing how long it has been

since my skin

has been inside a woman

 

even the banishment to her balcony

to mix my breath with after sex cigarette

cannot extinguish the glow

brighter then the tip of my smoke

but i can’t help equate the ashes

with the words i will try to find

when i realign by her side

 

i do not know her

ever as i flowed into her

we were strangers

 

like the ad you are forced to skip

because you don’t have a subscription

to hear the song commercial free

not because you can’t afford it

but because you don’t want to be bothered

with signing up and having to make monthly payments

 

i look at the pavement below

and know i will be on it

tonight or at first light

 

somewhere there’s a bottle i haven’t paid for

yet

and outside is the designated smoking area

for l.a. cigarettes

 

for though i’ve tried to touch the sky

i cultivate lies

with nothing to say

on these dark streets of decay

 

i take my naked

back to her form

beneath unfolded sheets

experience momentary defeat

as she slips her arm around my neck

 

forcing me into the chains of her lips

i make the sheet slip

off her fragileness

while my manhood unfurls to full mast

mocking the pretense of my strength

exposing me as the weaker sex

i caress until nothing remains untouched

sex is double dutch

when done right

we both pay our fair share

the part of my brain that cares

is numbed by the drug

that paralyzes me

in the center of her web

and this time there’s no instead

no balcony or cigarette

i just spoon within the cocoon

that envelopes me into the oneness

of a single being in a queen sized bed

 

i fumble to grasp something

that will unclasp

and recite in the last vestiges of my mind

lyrics by david bryne

“years ago

i was an angry young man

and i’d pretend that i was a billboard

standing tall by the side of the road

i fell in love with the beautiful highway”

 

but my mind is now out of breath

and needs mouth to mouth before i die

all she does is sigh

and i skip the double summersault

as i dive in

 

again

 

my skin saturated

by what surrounds

 

will i write of unrequited love

the feather plucked

from the wings of a dove

when sunlight illuminates the fear

that can hide in the darkness

because no shadows are cast

or will we devour each other for breakfast

will any part of me lair

beyond this linger

i can never put a finger

on what is wrong

which is why i put my

finger on everything

and sing

“has anyone ever written anything for you?”

by stevie nicks

 

no one has for me

but here i am writing for her

and the struggle i juggle

the me i can’t help but be

and the me you need me to be

a decree i cannot make cannon

because the fanon

worn by the pope at mass

is not my leaves of grass

as i sing of the open road

 

you are the princess and i am the toad

and your kiss will leave you remiss

because i am not a fairy tale prince

and you will only be stuck with a reptile

forked tongue and vile

who will not be dissatisfied with you

but with your dissatisfaction with me

 

because after all the issue isn’t you

every man at the bar promised to be true

to know what i have known tonight

but there are no departure flights

from my landing strip

i am only equipped to conceive

there is no way we are suppose to be

no reality

no absolutes, no truth

just wishful thinking

a perceive, answers that can only be relative

 

and yet i give it another try

illicit another sigh

no longer understand

why you could never love me

but perceive a diction filled with conviction

that has forgotten the existential café

filled with parisian 1933 apricots

 

and can hold you without feeling

i must first be flayed and sautéed

seasoned to taste

savored slow

until you realize there is nothing left

but dirty dishes

should have gone out to eat

like you did tonight

 

i am great with the momentary delights

but soon you will see i am the only one

with no long term concerns

because beyond the immediate bombardment

of my senses

nothing exists

not tomorrow’s hangover

consequence is a perception

thoughts give birth to deception

and as your mouth replaces your hand

upon my engorged

i surrender the stupidity of searching

to those who get paid

to tell you what to think

 

***   

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