when God changed channels

i put down the years of beers

poured out the rest of the whiskey

 

i just don’t feel like being drunk

but sobriety has not filtered my soliloquy

 

i step onto the highest point in the city

so i can stare at the black emptiness above

turn up the techno dark

light a smoke

and blow into the changing stream of breeze

 

tomorrow i will wake up

drink coffee

jump rope for an hour

then smoke too many cigarettes

quite simply because i’m bored

 

i will occupy with self-loathing

punishing myself

with the onslaught of hunger pains encompassing

and let them

 

the stars do not twinkle

the ice does not melt

and i’m a plethora of oscillations

either thinking nothing

or thinking there is nothing

 

measuring time by the number of butts

in the ashtray

and the number of crushed empty packs

in the trash

 

today i watched a young man

wasted on whatever

foraging through an industrial ash tray

for cigarettes with more than a butt

like a kid who’s found the candy jar

indifferent suits walked by

 

i looked up at the sky

for a different perspective

turned up the dark wave

that puts the dance in my feet

pulled out my pack of smokes

hesitated

put them back in my pocket

pulled them back out

lit one

blew into the indifferent blue

obscured by acceptable levels of smog

and walked into the undeveloped

negative of this night

where at the highest point i light

another cigarette with the end of one

turn around and start walking down

while thinking of the compliment

i got today on my novel Carefree Highway

 

i have three more in my head

but they are too happy to write

and the sad stories are waiting below

on the dark streets of decay

 

***