estrogen
emanating essence
she’s
clarifying the causality of comfort
what a man
needs to be
to be graced
by her confines
annoyed i
deploy the last line
of dialogue in
this one act play
“why are you
telling me this?”
she goes away
the bartender
brings me more
a young man
inhabits
the barstool
she vacated
a six year
relationship ended
she wanted him
tethered
24/7
but he needed
time apart
to engage his
graphic art
her presence
was a pillow of suffocation
“she couldn’t
just give me time for myself”
“they never do”
i say
he looks
dismayed
as if i’ve
hung hope on the highest gallows
he goes away
the bartender
brings me more
a business tie
loosened is next
he is vexed
the universal
working man’s theme
this started
with dreams
now worn thin
on a treadmill
stuck in the
same place
but the speed
keeps getting
turned to
faster
i quote
bukowski
“finally,
starved and beaten, i had to go into
the streets to
be interviewed for low-paying and
monotonous
jobs
by strange men
behind desks
men without
eyes without faces
who would take
my hours
break them
piss on them”
he goes away
the bartender
brings me more
a young couple
waiting for a
table
crowd the
barstool
with their
tongues
they exchange
drool
the bartender
doesn’t
even ask if
they want drinks
they almost
set the record
for the longest
french kiss
but in my sack
of small miracles
they are told their
table is ready
they go away
the bartender
brings me more
a plus sized
woman takes the stool
like she’s
taking center stage
orders a
margarita
laboriously
licks the salt off the rim
brokers
“that flooding
in texas is something”
i give her a
weak smile
after a little
while
she goes away
the bartender
brings me more
a captivating
co-ed plants her flag
on the
barstool
tells me i’m
the kind of fool
who is going
to buy her drinks
and get
nothing for it
i quip “go
fuck yourself”
she goes away
the bartender
cuts me off
i go away
turn up the
collar of my coat
against the
rain falling on
the dark
streets of decay
liquor store
galore
i buy a
lighter
the clerk is
an insider
in the commodities
of truth
tells me about
the ballots cast
in an
existential booth
i roll my eyes,
surmise
“we all want
to think
we are more
than we really
are”
his face falls
like a star
i go away
from my flask i
find more
two officers
show me a person’s picture
questions to
ascertain a solution
i profane
“help me out
here
is this the
part where i’m suppose to care”
they are about
to flex
when gunshots
erupt around the corner
they go away
flask, more
two tourist
talk to me
ask me what
there is to see
i roll my eyes
point to a dog
licking the vomit
left by a
homeless man
they go away
liquor store, i
buy more
i get
surrounded by guys in a gang
i look at the
leader
ask
“can you make
it so i have
to spend two
weeks in a hospital
with a morphine
drip”
he begins to
laugh with wild abandon
the others
laugh
and with the
others in tow
he goes away
bring the
bottle to my lips for more
i stop to
light a smoke
a guy tells me
he’ll blow me
for money
i unsheathe my
knife
concealed in
the back of my jeans
put the point
under his chin
tell him to go
away
gulp some more
a bus is
letting out
i recognize it
will take me
close enough
to my place
board
at the next stop
a man sits
next to me
asks if i know
where
he can score
some drugs
i tell him to
swallow the eyes
of bugs
he goes away
i exit at my
stop
almost drop
the bottle
as i have more
make it to my
place
inside
where i can
reside
outside the
curdled cream
of
conversations
drink some
more
***
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