you talk, i inwardly roll my eyes

felt

well,

the way one feels

when they live like i do

when enough is never enough

 

few days off from

the dark streets of decay

lots of water

sober

very few cigarettes

i was very l.a.

 

but

 

went out onto the sidewalk

lit a smoke

rain falling

night calling

home sweet home

began to roam

bought liquid

lost frued’s id

somewhere between

wilshire and fairfax

 

left behind all the commercials

that allocate the allotment

of what you are suppose to be

doing with your life

in order to be relevant

 

drank

then drank some more

still drinking

lighting cigarettes

one after another

forgetting all your conversations

of what i’m supposed to be

doing with my life

in order to be relevant

 

nothing is missing

not even the kissing

of flesh against flesh

momentary orgasm

this intensity lasts all night

and doesn’t require

me to retire

a life that is not suitable

irresponsible

and unable to codify

your satisfy

with my comply

 

light another cigarette

sigh

sip

whatever the hell it is

i’m drinking

find the right tune

and swoon

that it’s not even midnight

and this is going to go on

for awhile

as i search for somewhere

i can get a couple of tacos

 

not cause i’m hungry

i’m not incomplete

i just really like tacos

 

and the last few days

of trying to be

a me that you can perceive

with a pleasurable eye

cause feeling like shit

from the stuff that won’t acquit

made me willing to perform a conform

but this storm that has me soaked

to the skin

wins

when

i remember i don’t believe in anything

but how good this feels

 

***