realization frustration

it’s that moment when the chemicals

in your brain

coagulate into a consciousness

of in-cohesiveness

 

i exist within us

superfluous

outside of how i can enhance

your chance at happiness

 

and people wonder how existentialists

can conclude their own non-existence

i am not part of the picture

i am a fixture

that fits perfectly into your self-fixation

while nothing about me is known

 

blaming non-communication

even though publications of my poetry exist

a sordid list

sorrow

defining how 11:30 p.m. is still today

never tomorrow

while everyone who weighs a ton on my mind

is sleeping

 

baking pies to satisfy their qualify

while i quantify their insatiable need

to provide a suicide

because even your christ had to die

to provide for your selfishness

that it, all and me are unacceptable

unless i exist to subsist on your persist

that the fulfillment of your list

is how i demonstrate love

while everything i am is irrelevant

subservient to your satisfaction

while i down every mind altering substance

to endure the ignorance of your impure

and yet somehow get blamed again

that i have to stomach solace

to stomach you

 

***