Thursday, March 30, 2017

solubility equilibrium


therapy hour

a poet’s lour

discussion dance

weary, askance

about a childhood moment

how a pastor of atonement

raped me

 

hour over

suddenly

finds me

with something

i had never talked about

before with anyone

 

but hour was over

suddenly

and sidewalk passage

offered no balm

to the oozing sore

i had become

 

stopped to purchase

liquor store

drank two pints of whiskey

in the time it takes

to watch a commercial

about friskies cat food

 

don’t remember much after that

next morning felt sick as shit

suffocating in self-loathing

 

didn’t play

stayed

did chores

till i swept the floor

from shore to shore

but nothing seemed cleaner

than before

 

from a penitent position

of scrubbing

i raised myself to my full height

looked up at the void

most call the sky

and asked,

“where do we lay our burdens down?”

 

***

 

 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am


yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

yes, i get it, what you need is not what i am

 

*** 

too testicular to title


         (when was the last time you did something for the first time?

          -sammy hagar)

 

bar

live band

their jam

they defined

as gothic cabaret

unlike anything

i’ve heard before

 

i enjoyed it

because it was so original

 

the bartender

had made such a strong

irish car bomb

that i ordered a beer instead

on the second round

 

sat there amid the sound

of unhallowed ground

but this is the most normal

thing i’ve done in a long time

 

usually white sheeted ghosts

cover me while i have sex

in graveyards with a corpse

that couldn’t be given

a christian burial

 

my membranes

are decorative dust balls

clinging to the walls

of a skull

no anthropologist

will find

because when my actions

accomplish the ashes

of dust to dust

academics won’t teach my screech

scholars won’t dissect my reflect

even now no one is listening

 

the bar i had to leave

where i was the only one

not tattooed sleeved

because my addictive cigarettes

demanded i bet my life

against the l.a. lights

where neon sidewalks

are still a designated

smoking area in los angeles

for now

 

clean living in a dirty city

is the sacred cow

but l.a. is nothing if not

a melting pot of discrimination

 

the only way to know yourself

is in a mixed bag of treats

the last thing you eat

is it your favorite

or what you enjoy the least?

 

***

 

 

 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

artist only art in reaction


went on line

maybe find

inspiration for a rhyme

read about f.b.i

searching for a teen

feared to have been abducted

gang raped

and fed to alligators

 

WTF?!

 

and people think i have issues

 

woody allen said,

“two wrongs don’t make a right

but three left turns do”

 

i walk in the darkness

so thick you can feel it

touch it, taste it

and yet even in an alley

without any light

i can see i have two shadows

 

the only music i listen to are

modern noir songs

the aftermath of mazzystar

but not quite as high

on mount olympus

 

oh by the way

your phone fucking annoys me

if we are defined by the obsession

in our hand

then i stand accused

of being obsessed with female breasts

 

i hope you weren’t thinking i’d make sense

i’m just walking on this cold l.a. night

well,

cold for los angeles

and once again

not sure where i really am

 

don’t really care

plenty of cigarettes

couple of pints packed away

 

oh yeah

 

i’m on the dark streets of decay

which i’ve never walked with anyone but me

kind of like masturbation

except sometimes i copulate with concrete

when i pass out incoherent in some

forgotten alley

 

wake up without a tally

because i know time doesn’t exist

it’s just how we interpret

the results of the rotation and revolutions

happening in a hemisphere

nowhere near here

 

my cat is neat

licks herself on the couch

slouched

actions speak louder than words

and her actions are that there are

no problems when all you concern

yourself with are the demands

of your own wants

 

but i was never very good at school

lessons to be learned

i couldn’t discern

while i stared at my teacher’s breasts

some ignored me

some just smiled

but all this guile

didn’t stop them from giving me an F

on my test

 

because i only studied the material

of their maturity

finding nothing else on the curriculum

interested me

 

because even at thirteen

poetry was meant for the possession

of pulchritude

 

these damn lighters from the marijuana dispensary

sent free, with every weed delivery

are so cheap

making it difficult to light cigarettes

 

first world problems

 

but then again

all art is a sin

to those who don’t

take it on the chin

and fathom that self-expression

is a daily act of being born again

diagnosed with multiple personality

disorder

when you thought all you were doing

was sorting through the emotions

that everyone else ignored

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, March 23, 2017

enormous extinct dinosaurs


i only know the moment

someday is now

 

was talking to this man at the bar

bleary eyed as he cried

told me about his sister

and her three young children

t-boned in an intersection

by a driver who ran the red light

because she was reaching

to pick up the phone she had dropped

 

all three children were killed

one even flew out of the car

to the sidewalk

 

i bought him a drink

patted his shoulder

threw the bartender a fifty

“his night’s on me”

 

left

 

now i’m walking

and all i know is this buzz

this cigarette

and you can bet

i’ll know a few cigarettes more

before this night is gone

my lips don my flask

 

nothing i ask

my fingers unclasp

the echoes of empty reasons

we should abide in your suicide

of how we should compromise

to attain

a meaning to random atoms that collide

 

i smoke, i drink

i do not think

death is the result of excess

death is the result of being born

birth has a one hundred percent

mortality rate

and those who wait to satiate

because of ethics etched into an eternal

will never know the freedom found

in an expectation of nothing

 

***

 

 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

you talk, i inwardly roll my eyes


felt

well,

the way one feels

when they live like i do

when enough is never enough

 

few days off from

the dark streets of decay

lots of water

sober

very few cigarettes

i was very l.a.

 

but

 

went out onto the sidewalk

lit a smoke

rain falling

night calling

home sweet home

began to roam

bought liquid

lost frued’s id

somewhere between

wilshire and fairfax

 

left behind all the commercials

that allocate the allotment

of what you are suppose to be

doing with your life

in order to be relevant

 

drank

then drank some more

still drinking

lighting cigarettes

one after another

forgetting all your conversations

of what i’m supposed to be

doing with my life

in order to be relevant

 

nothing is missing

not even the kissing

of flesh against flesh

momentary orgasm

this intensity lasts all night

and doesn’t require

me to retire

a life that is not suitable

irresponsible

and unable to codify

your satisfy

with my comply

 

light another cigarette

sigh

sip

whatever the hell it is

i’m drinking

find the right tune

and swoon

that it’s not even midnight

and this is going to go on

for awhile

as i search for somewhere

i can get a couple of tacos

 

not cause i’m hungry

i’m not incomplete

i just really like tacos

 

and the last few days

of trying to be

a me that you can perceive

with a pleasurable eye

cause feeling like shit

from the stuff that won’t acquit

made me willing to perform a conform

but this storm that has me soaked

to the skin

wins

when

i remember i don’t believe in anything

but how good this feels

 

***