somewhere
in santa monica i was conceived
mother,
father, liquid seed
if
divine hands have a plan
what
was the purpose of me?
is
god so involved
his
hand scrawled
words
upon an ancient wall?
or
did the ultimate seed
reach
a trillion degrees
explode
into all we see?
where
we created a god to believe
i’ve
asked all this before
on
streets of gray
or
the santa monica shore
it’s
a miracle the molecules of membranes
aren’t
bored
with
the endless questions
and
irresolute beliefs
different
generations
same
old grief
the
molecules are made by atoms
that
mulled around for millions of years
before
meshing into us
decay
never prays
it
only obeys
the
laws of the physical universe
and
the withered hand
stretched
forth
can
only be healed
if
there is enough faith in the healer
to
even bother moving your arm
“faith
without works is dead” is not a charm
but
the defining rule
of
a relationship
and
we are all ill-equipped
to
mix our want with our will
my
faith is a lot of unpaid bills
an
expectation of the inevitable decay
of
the universe
and
a body subject to
the
laws of quantum mechanics
unable
to believe
that
when i can no longer bleed
this
once liquid seed
will
still exist in some other form
my
molecules will move on
but
my memories will not be attached
and
a god that can carry the weight of sin
is
a nice thought
written
down long ago
shortly
after he ascended
but
no one has heard or seen anything
from
him since
in
the school of theology
free
will was god’s only mistake
and
his excuse for being an absent father
who
doesn’t even send child support payments
absence
does not make the heart grow fonder
and
it is more plausible to believe
that
god is just our fanciful imagination
a
comforter, a provider
giving
our suffering purpose
our
lives meaning
especially
since he has created us
as
eternal beings
souls
that are refined
in
the furnace of suffering
making
us worthy
of
the reward that will come
if
we just accept
submit
endure
i
am unrefined and impure
is
humanity just a happy accident?
i
don’t know what’s so happy
about
endless genocide, war
rape,
women forever objectified
disease,
catastrophes
we
look for, no we expect,
justice,
fairness
but
they are just concepts
if
there is no one
with
the authority and power
to
dispense them
which
i don’t believe there is
the
only invisible thing i believe in
are
atoms
that
this universe contains
millions
of galaxies
each
of which contain
hundreds
of billions of stars
some
of which will burn
for
a trillion years
and
that humanity will be gone
trillions
of years
before
everything has decayed
to
a universe that is nothing more
then
unexcited photons floating
at
the frozen temperature of space
forever
when
the synapses in my brain stop firing
i
will cease to create any conscious thought
there
just is
and
one day there isn’t
and
as a result of all this
no
arrangement of words
can
make our momentary matter
as
long as planets rotate and revolve
we
will be able to keep time
so
it
is five o’clock somewhere…
***
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