Tuesday, November 18, 2014

you left with what was within


i’m not really down

but the left hemisphere of my brain

keeps hanging around

reminding me that the present

is a result of the past

and making me fear the future

 

i’m not really alone

but the left hemisphere of my brain

makes me live like i am

moving away as fast as i can

from those who espouse the ecstasy

of releasing the right hemisphere

and the audience’s adulation and applause

for this scientific spirituality

 

no wonder i’m not popular at dinner parties

 

i deleted everything from my mp3

except counting crows

all their albums are in tow

as i walk with all the words in my head

 

reciting arthur rimbaud,

“one evening i took beauty in my arms-

and i thought her bitter-

so i insulted her”

 

and the bottom line is i know nothing

except that i want to be left alone

no purpose as i roam

except the purpose that is waiting for me

at the bottom of this bottle

of jim beam jacob’s ghost

 

stop telling me what is

as if what is needs justification

it just is

and one day you will die

 

everything else is a fucking lie

close your eyes for the last time

and you won’t even be conscious

of the darkness

 

anyways i was thinking of her who left

well, all the “hers” left,

except jenny

so far

 

and the “her” in my arms

was calloused comfort

meaning and motivation

empting like a flood gate

as she climbed on the back

of his white steed

and rode away

 

leaving me on these

dark streets of decay

 

i got patted down at a fucking bar

told i couldn’t come in

with my bottle of white whiskey

i walked away

 

the last one i saw leave

is still here with me

but the left hemisphere

is making it clear

that all that is near

are not just random atoms colliding

but a monument to the past

that nothing will last

 

and those who won’t pretend this isn’t true

are outcast

roaming this after life with jacob’s ghost

starting to forget who it was that left

and what they left behind

 

***

 

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