long ago i asked God to give up on me

apparently he doesn’t answer every prayer

 

          (years ago i was an angry young man

          and i’d pretend that i was a billboard

          standing tall by the side of the road

          i fell in love with the beautiful highway – talking heads)

 

i do not know where butterflies go

when it rains

i’m only beginning to understand

how little i truly know

and how reactions to your actions

are just a defense mechanism

creating a schism

not only between us

but within me

 

we think we are in control

but God has other plans

we’re reaching out for one

who has already touched us

and absolutes and definitions do not encompass

because we think love is getting what we want

 

as he brings us to a place

where we get an inkling and a trace

that our discontent is without relent

because we haven’t a clue what love really is

 

so we begin again with nothing

as all of our power is like water in a shower

going down the drain

and all we can do is maintain

an idea

that he is working his will

while we feel like a pinball

violently bouncing from bumper to bumper

 

we can either quite our internal riot

with that thing called trusting faith

or we can harbor the illusion

that the bruises and contusions

can be held at bay

as soon as we get our way

 

but again

in the inkling

i don’t think happiness

is housed in the heart of selfishness

 

even though there is nothing about being

inconvenienced by others that makes sense

i am finding a certain solace

in the inconvenience

which never came my way on

the dark streets of decay

 

***