a nihilist’s prayer

my beliefs are formed on a firm foundation

that there is no foundation

and beliefs of other people’s creation

cannot shake the sturdiness of

a structure that isn’t there

when you share

it may seem as if i don’t care

with a vacancy sign stare

there’s just nothing to declare

 

it just is

and then it isn’t

and that’s all it ever was

without a because

 

***

 

the lips i kiss

the sunshine surfaces again

i’ve kissed your lips through thick and thin

the day break wakes the slumber’s shake

but there is nothing to forsake

 

within these walls i have it all

nothing on line or at the mall

could fill the greed on which i feed

you satisfy my every need

 

as van gogh said a loaf of bread

and beauty’s interwoven thread

are the ingredients of joy

and with each kiss i’m redeployed

 

to the front lines of ecstasy

and with van gogh i must agree

that art expresses what is there

the joy of it is what we share

 

and so i write in my delight

about your beauty in my sight

your supple form invokes a storm

yet knocks me out like chloroform

 

your soft full lips, a wilderness

wherein i’m lost with each new kiss

my fingers trace your flawless face

and take me to that perfect place

wherein i sing of eyes of green

i’m saturated in serene

 

***

 

lingering in her lyric

starry eyed under sunny skies

the wind of water wafting by

upbeat in heat our sand in feet

tomorrow let today repeat

 

chorus verses without curses

bikinis are cocktail purses

so small in size and yet they hide

the things which we most surely prize

 

umbrella planted like a flag

two towels, a cooler and your bag

silent seagulls try to listen

to the way which your skin glistens

 

concrete l.a. and all its gray

has faded into yesterday

the sky bleeds blue while i watch you

search for a song to listen to

 

bikini black and sunglasses

all my teachers in those classes

could not prepare me for this day

within the month that’s after may

 

where i would learn an absolute

which no nihilist can refute

the woman who is by my side

is where all beauty now resides

 

***

long ago i asked God to give up on me

apparently he doesn’t answer every prayer

 

          (years ago i was an angry young man

          and i’d pretend that i was a billboard

          standing tall by the side of the road

          i fell in love with the beautiful highway – talking heads)

 

i do not know where butterflies go

when it rains

i’m only beginning to understand

how little i truly know

and how reactions to your actions

are just a defense mechanism

creating a schism

not only between us

but within me

 

we think we are in control

but God has other plans

we’re reaching out for one

who has already touched us

and absolutes and definitions do not encompass

because we think love is getting what we want

 

as he brings us to a place

where we get an inkling and a trace

that our discontent is without relent

because we haven’t a clue what love really is

 

so we begin again with nothing

as all of our power is like water in a shower

going down the drain

and all we can do is maintain

an idea

that he is working his will

while we feel like a pinball

violently bouncing from bumper to bumper

 

we can either quite our internal riot

with that thing called trusting faith

or we can harbor the illusion

that the bruises and contusions

can be held at bay

as soon as we get our way

 

but again

in the inkling

i don’t think happiness

is housed in the heart of selfishness

 

even though there is nothing about being

inconvenienced by others that makes sense

i am finding a certain solace

in the inconvenience

which never came my way on

the dark streets of decay

 

***

 

the louvre called, they want your photograph

          (as if you were on fire from within

          the moon lives in the lining of your skin – pablo neruda)

 

lingering heat on neon streets

your hand in mine makes me replete

already did the dinner show

we’re walking sidewalks nice and slow

 

my childhood home is in this town

but in this moment i am found

stealing glances at your physique

while window shopping a boutique

 

you’re attractive, i’m reactive

thoughts of you are not distracted

by this city’s urgent hustle

every stranger full of muscle

 

is passing by with both his eyes

upon your form and mesmerized

till every man, including me

is hypnotized by your beauty

 

you realize i have no retention

for the things that you have mentioned

the thin wheels on an antique bike

and smirk, “see something you like?”

 

“yes” i breathe and then grasp your hips

and plant a kiss upon your lips

a flame so hot the sidewalks melt

and everything i’ve ever felt

is told in verbs of touching tongues

i am complete and yet undone

 

***

 

 

actually, eden’s serpent offered eve a cupcake

          (come be the stampede of emotion

          standing on this dancing ocean,

          empty out this flood within

          down to the last drop of this naked pen – curtis tyrone jones)

 

colored cupcakes clutter plates

you savor one like it’s your mate

your emerald eyes without a guise

reverberate with satisfied

 

i see you sneak a second one

i distance until you are done

then slip beside where i confide

i can only be so satisfied

 

by the conquest of your lips

and skin upon my fingertips

your eyes are playful in response

you take my hand with nonchalance

 

lead me to where coats are hidden

kiss my lips like it’s forbidden

i then ignite, reach passion’s height

and touch your dress that is skin tight

 

every place the fabric covers

i am now the cupcake lover

until some patron at this feast

opens the door and i must cease

 

you readjust, i stifle lust

we make our way to things with crust

and with a simple wink and flirt

take a cupcake like it’s your first

 

and yet you seem more satisfied

that my dessert has been denied

you take a bite and in a slight

motion both of your breasts alight

 

upon my form, my inner storm

behaves in manners which conform

with cupcake connoisseuring crowds

and frosting which your lips endow

 

***

 

 

if you kissed her you would understand

(i am one who loved not wisely but too well – shakespeare)

 

with vicious words about her man

she let me know she wanted me

i walked away from all her plans

she can’t inspire poetry

 

for roses painted on the lips

will never match my wild rose

a bloom without her happiness

should always leave her petals closed

 

this changing partners for the dance

and claiming this is now our song

is no foundation for romance

at least not one that last for long

 

the painter paints, the poet writes

where art and passion are as one

for my girl in whom i delight

consumes my thoughts till leaving none

 

who can impress with style of dress

or any other female wiles

i’m tethered to her tenderness

all others are just rank and file

 

there is no woman on this earth

whose face is beauty’s dwelling place

this means all women who were birthed

competing in the human race

 

if discontent was meant to vent

you’ll find no audience with me

my angel has been heaven sent

and she alone is all i see

 

***