Saturday, June 4, 2016

no control


the illusion of confusion

reality contusion

it may only be as i perceive

but i can’t stop the receive

bombardment of my senses

there is no consensus

cause i really don’t share your views

 

i find it all unpleasant

like buckshot in a pheasant

but the me that’s in need

isn’t strong enough to conceive

of an action that will effect change

 

enabling my unhappiness

with excuses that it doesn’t matter

          most of all me

 

at the forefront

no homerun, not even a bunt

still sober

and man does it fucking suck

 

no place to hide

in stasis i abide

missing the obliteration

the mental vacation

          the escape

 

existence is rape

i just want to paint the windows black

and never go outside

 

waiting for something beautiful

          to fall from my pen

but my art is akin

to the dead dry skin

we leave on our sheets every morning

 

played all my mazzy star CDs

moved onto hope Sandoval

          and the warm inventions

because its art and it’s beautiful

like sitting next to kerouac

          and the sea

while he wrote big sur

 

but back to my unsure

 

if i change the circumstance

i change the stimuli

but is that the definition of happiness

 

i don’t know

i just use to get wasted

circumstances unchanged

but my perception altered

and i no longer cared

 

not looking for things to be fair

that’s just a concept

fairness doesn’t really exist

 

and yet i have a list

of things i don’t want to experience

 

today is not a due i pay for yesterday

there is only the moment

and how we let it affect us

so i guess i just really suck

at extra sensory perception

 

but i’ve never been a collection

of someone who saturates the scenery

with the colors i want the context to be

i just concur with the endure

and return to the scene of the crime

waste my rhymes

on ineffectual inundations

i’m a monster of my own creation

a tin man looking for a brain

that doesn’t process the mundane

as a meaningless memory best forgotten

oh dig me up and fuck me rotten

cause then my senses will be inoperable

and i’ll finally achieve what i truly believe

 

***

 

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