still life of shoes on a table

“It seems more probable this just suspends the whole cycle of tension, discharge and rest. The orgasm has no function in the junky. Boredom, which always indicates an undischarged tension, never troubles the addict. He can look at his shoes for eight hours.” – William S. Burroughs

 

there is me exercising

two and half hours this morning

then there is me

sitting in silence

near an oscillating fan

pen in hand

my dog-eared copy of naked lunch

close by

 

every day it’s a different high

whatever i can get my hands on

 

i wake up and try not to be

addicted

but as predicted

at some point i succumb

become numb

and finally feel fine

 

three times three may equal nine

my math is a bag that cost a dime

 

the affliction of addiction

there’s no real contradiction

there’s the morning after

and the day of

donning my weight lifting gloves

penance for my sin

then i give in

while i pretend

with all apology

that this is not me

while people’s personal perception

has yet to perceive

just how dark

my darkness is

 

i function

and my usefulness

gives me value to others

but my druthers

is when i spend eight hours

staring at my shoes

 

***