As
part of my employment I have to ship documents to investors and as I fill out
the Fedex slip I feel like that kid whose mom use to stand over him watching me
fill out, god I don’t remember what, but I remember trembling and making a
mistake and she would grab the paper tearing it up telling me what an idiot,
what a loser I am and how I couldn’t for the life of me do anything right, I
was just so fucking stupid, then another piece of paper would be put in front
of me to fill out as she stood there waiting for me to expose the failure that I
am. Sorry, didn’t mean to drag you into the nightmare that is john young, I
don’t need to forgive her, I need to forgive myself for all the things I’ve
done to “deal”.
“How many beers does it take to drown
the voices in my head?”
“More than four”
“That many?”
“Yes, but you know your mom can
breathe underwater”
“But words are muffled, garbled,
underwater”
“This is true”
“So I may still hear her, but not as
clearly”
“Drink on john young, drink on”
mazzy star
hope
and david sitting in a tree
making
music that agrees
with
the souls of heaven’s exile
who
talk to God just like a child
‘with
me Lord i know you’re mad
but
would you please still be my dad?
although
my dad rejected me
will
you love unconditionally?
cause
if there’s something i must do
to be
acceptable to you
then
i’ll fail you like all the others’
oh how
a child needs a mother
listen
to me for i know
as a
child grows and grows
if from
their parents there’s disdain
then
life and love will equal pain
for
life is just a search for love
that
some feel they’re not worthy of
‘why
should you be different send me to hell’
tonight
i’ve reached deep in the well
and found nothing but sorrow
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