Counting
my Counting Crows albums I find no cure for me. Please do not misunderstand, I do
not need something to cure some part of me, I am the disease. The symptom is
self-loathing and the various versions of self-destruction have been my
treatments to eradicate the disease. Meditation, medicine, methamphetamines and
many other miracle cures made moments melt from my memories but as I survey the
scenery of devastation I am the bomb that has destroyed all beauty and laid the
landscape to waste. All because of this one thing I hate which motivates me to
create the barren world I deserve.
Someone who cannot love themselves
cannot validate your love for them, I would like to do more than swing and miss,
but other than putting myself at the top of the list of things I cannot stand I
cannot plow and harvest in a land when I don’t know which fertilizer is the one
which will actually help anything begin to grow. Reap and sow, sow and reap, I pray
the Lord my soul to keep while believing the people I meet created a vengeful
god after realizing some things just can’t be saved.
Oh sweet Christ I need a drink.
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